Every time we went anywhere, it was always where he wanted to go. Earlier in our relationship, I had tried to go along with this. However, he always wanted to go somewhere or do something which scared me. So I stopped wanting to go anywhere or do anything with him.
I had already suffered childhood abuse, so anything unknown or unsafe frightened me. He obviously started to do those things on his own, so at least it prevented the fear while he was gone.
He spent more and more time in his ‘manshed’ making tools, baseball bats etc. Then when he would eventually be bothered to come inside, I was greeted with the usual “I’m not hungry, I’ll have a pizza later.”
I spent more and more time alone. I really didn’t want to spend any time with anyone anymore. I was totally downtrodden by this point.
Seeing my psychiatrist became harder because no matter what medication they gave me, it never made me feel better because of the terrible life I had to go home to. It was a constant nightmare that I often felt would never end. But I’m a survivor!
Later in this blog, I will give the details of some of the things I’ve fought my way through to still be here.
Even when I was on a ventilator for weeks in hospital because I couldn’t breathe for myself, my body somehow managed to pull through. They say reading and playing music to someone in a coma or deep sedation will come through to them. Well my eldest daughter was there every single day doing all of those things. That’s why she constantly amazes me. She never once gave up on me! Thank God she was there for me when I was so close to death.
Drag Me Down Blog 