He was always telling me what to do, when and where to do it and what I should say. I only ever made suggestions to him if I knew it would be dangerous to himself or others. Then I would just warn him that it wasn’t right or acceptable. I was always ignored. I eventually gave up saying anything. He had silenced me by this point – because there WAS no point. He never stopped telling me that I should be paid more, given a promotion or something similar. I was teaching and I loved my job, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He always wanted more. Any victory for me which I had gotten for myself was always taken away by him as his own. He took credit for anything I had done, which completely removed any pleasure or self-acknowledgement from me for things which were never his in the first place.
He’d already told me about one of his previous girlfriends who he’d “encouraged” to reach higher. I knew then what he was doing to me. He was being controlling and eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore. He used to openly make jokes about her in front of his pub mates who thought it was hilarious. I told him I thought that was cruel. She was a lot younger than him and eventually became an alcoholic and needed a counselor. She left him after five years, however, not fifteen like me, so she was the lucky one.
I spent years defending my actions, but it was all time wasted – “my time”. Because no matter how much I cried or begged, he said that as soon as I opened my mouth to talk, he would switch off and stop listening. I even had to buy my two girls Christmas presents and hide them because he objected to me spending money on them for Christmas or birthdays, although it was from my money not his. I would never have said anything if it were the other way around.
Please look out for these type of red flags, because they are very insidious and controlling and can sneak up on you when a narcissist makes sure you are looking the other way!
Drag Me Down Blog 