I have been filling in forms for my solicitor this week. So I have been very busy making everything as accurate as possible. Remember that my blog is totally fact-based and there is no fiction in any of this.
I wasted years of my life trying to encourage my ex to be a more honest person, all to no avail. I have not named him or said which school he works in for legal reasons.
However, yesterday my eldest daughter went over to the house to collect any post that had arrived there for me. My solicitor told me to check that he had not changed the locks, so that I, or my daughter, with my permission, would be able to gain access to the house to reclaim my furniture and most of my belongings. My daughter has called the Guards (the Irish equivalent of Police) to make sure that my ex does not try to obstruct this removal.
On reaching the property, my daughter used my key and was immediately met by a woman in the hallway.
After their initial confusion over who each of them were, my daughter told me that she and the woman (who was apparently very nice) both had a cup of tea. Then my daughter (who is not as private and shut down as I am), told the woman (my ex’s new partner) all about him and what he had done to me. After all, it’s not as if he hasn’t repeated the same pattern time and time again. My daughter said she just wanted the woman to know what she was getting herself into.
The woman did not seem to be aware of any of this. Why would she? When he has refused to allow me access to my own house, which is not legal, for the last three years. My daughter directed her to my Blog but I don’t know if she read it afterwards.
Apparently, she resides in my house for two weeks each month. I’m absolutely positive that my ex can use his ‘fake charm’ and proclamations of love in order to lie his way out of much of his terrible behaviour and narcissism.
The neighbours have never actually met me, so I presume they know very little about his abusive behaviour. He is very clever about disguising facts he doesn’t wish to be exposed about him. Therefore, he probably comes across as a really nice professional man with his own home, which is definitely not the case. He only has friends who are very easygoing and will never question his authority as an Alpha male. In fact, one of them who I have met on a few occasions has sold him a plot of land for a fraction of its actual market value. This man has always come across as a very warm, laid back type of character who seems to look up to my ex partner and would never question or know the ‘monster’ that lies beneath.
While this constant back and forth is going on with my ex’s new partner, he will be able to disguise his incredibly cruel and hurtful, abusive nature. If she ever made the move over to Ireland to be with him, his ‘mask’ would gradually drop and he would slowly but surely ‘drag her down’.
Apparently, she has the same name as one of his previous exes, who was one of several who needed treatment and counseling when they ended their relationship. I just pray for his new partner that one day she sees the ‘Red Flags’ clearly for her own health and well-being a long time before I did, because once she has seen the real man behind the ’mask’, it will soon disappear and the ‘honeymoon period’ which they have now will be gone, never to be seen again.
He will apologise over and over at first, and promise that it will never happen again. But a narcissist simply can’t control their avaricious nature and he is one and the same.
While this woman has financial resources and he sees her as an ATM, he will not want to let her go. But when all the money is gone, he will discard and blame her in the same way he did with me and several others before me.
This is a nightmare that I never thought could happen to me because I was such a strong person. But when you’re being ‘gaslighted’ every step of the way, you constantly think things will get better and that you are different. They NEVER do change and unfortunately, you are NOT different. You are just their ‘new supply’.
So if you see ‘Red Flags’, run like hell, because you are much better off alone, than having to deal with this nightmare every day. I’ve learnt that in the hardest way possible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
Next post will be published on Wednesday 24th January!
Drag Me Down Blog 