This week has been full of revelations for me.
I’ve had to recognize the fact that I’m always going to have up and down days because of what I’ve been through.
However, I’ve also learned that I’m allowed to have “bad” days because life can’t always be full of “happy clappy” stuff, especially when you have been abused for years and were never allowed to even feel your own emotions. All I wanted to feel was numb so that the painful reality didn’t seem so bad.
Instead, I ended up with severe anxiety and clinical depression. Living with a narcissist destroyed me from the inside out – it felt like a slow and very painful death.
Now though, I think it’s okay to have a “bad” day or couple of days, as long as I pick myself up and do what has to be done. Due to my leg injuries I have to fight hard every day to do the physical work it’s going to take to recover properly. I do it because I know I have to and I’ve learned a few things about myself along the way.
Firstly, I have a strong spirit and never give up. Secondly, I have patience. They say this is a virtue, but it is something that I have never really possessed before. This has been and still is a constant battle inside my head, but which I’ve realized that I simply have to keep working on.
It’s the only way to look at things, because unfortunately, we can’t have everything we want when we most want it.
Thirdly, I’ve learned that life is to be lived to the full. Everyone has their share of heartache, but it really does make us stronger once we just accept that ‘our’ life journey is about ‘us’ and no one else. Plus I never realized how marginalized we can feel when we live in a body that can’t yet do what we previously found so easy.
Yes, I was once a victim, but now I’m a survivor of so much!!!
I think we should all say this little mantra to ourselves when we have survived living with a narcissist and any other physical or mental battles:-
“Give it all time to heal and the rest will follow.”
Next post will be published on Wednesday the 3rd of April!
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