Someone asked me this week how I have coped with so many things hitting me one after the other. If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you’ll know one of my daughters nearly died from a rare illness in 2019, I left my ex after a long 15 torturous years in November 2020. Then I had my life-threatening and life-changing fall which almost killed me in May 2022.
Well, I’m not superhuman and I definitely don’t have anything particularly special going on inside me. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about it like that, but when I answered I said that when one blow continually hits you after another, you just get used to it in the end.
The reality is that when each of these things happened, every one of them felt like the end of the world and I felt so very alone. It’s incredible how your brain immediately switches from each traumatic event to the next. This is when you are operating in survival mode however, and in the long term you do need to revisit these events in order to heal from them.
Unfortunately, there is no ‘magic’ pill to allow you to simply bypass trauma. If there was, it would seem so simple to move on from the what you have experienced and never think about it again. This is not the case though.
Here is where you differ vastly from the Narcissist, who can do just that. They can move on very quickly, seeking the ’rush’ that each new relationship or challenge brings instead of taking the time to learn from trauma, mistakes or the damage they have inflicted upon others so that in the future they will not repeat the same cycle over and over again. Instead, they prefer instant gratification which is not compatible with real, enduring love and hence their insatiable appetite will never be satisfied.
The rest of us feel real love, concern, compassion, empathy and heartache which, in life will inevitably happen at some point. I think the important ‘take away’ from all of this, is that we ‘DO;’ learn from experiences in life, even extreme trauma. This then enlightens us to better understand and empathise with others. As complex beings, we have been given a great gift in being able to share and support each other through all of our trials. The Narcissist can only ‘feign’ these qualities and emotions however. Their inner self is damaged, shallow and self-obsessed. This means that when they encounter trauma or the pain of others, they can only ‘pretend’ to care and generally prefer to distance themselves from it in case their ‘cover is blown’. When an individual is suffering, the last person they need anywhere near them is a Narcissist!
When we are in pain, be it physical, psychological, emotional, grief or fear, we are wide awake to those qualities in others and we can intuitively ‘sense’ when someone really and truly cares OR when someone is simply making a shallow attempt at ‘pretending’ to care or understand what we are going through.
‘Words are cheap’ is a well-known phrase, but simply ‘being there’ and listening is sometimes all that is needed. It can mean the world to someone who is in so much pain and doesn’t know how to go on.
There is a lot in my life that I have yet to share, but I never forget that no matter what I have been through, there is always someone who has been through much worse.
You may decide that you would like to speak with a counsellor, a trusted friend, or simply write a journal of your feelings. But it is important to let those feelings come out in some form so that they’re not always trapped inside. It will eventually feel very liberating to let all your demons out and face them.
Unfortunately, with pain (like many other things in life) we cannot go ‘around it’. We have to go ‘through it’.
Demons can seem and feel like monsters when they are trapped inside, going round and around in your head, but once you turn and face them, you realise that they have no power over you. They are weak and pathetic. Such is the Narcissist. You deserve to continue on your journey, feeling both wiser and happier.
Go ‘NO CONTACT’ with your Narcissist. I know it will feel so hard at first… but this is the only way to go in order to heal from all the damage they have done to you and you will finally be free to find yourself again.
Time is really important. Time to allow healing to take place…. ❤️
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