All Narcissists Are Dangerous

I wrote today’s post to emphasise how important the advice and suggestions that I and other bloggers post about narcissistic behaviour are. We have all experienced and survived this abuse and simply want to share our experiences to support and hopefully, help you to protect yourself from these individuals. 

I want to draw your attention to 3 very infamous examples of narcissistic abuse which unfortunately ended in the worst possible way for the victims involved. For every one of these famous examples, there are millions of others who have gone undetected or unnoticed. When people talk about narcissists, they often don’t realise that this disorder goes hand in hand with a cluster of personality disorders including:- 

• Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) 
• Psychopaths 
• Sociopaths

All of the above are narcissists. They are on a wide spectrum of this continuum. Some will be great leaders, some mediocre control freaks at best, some will be great warriors and others serial killers. But all of them have the capacity to do great harm to others, whether it be on a small scale or, on a much larger scale, through genocide. They do not and will NEVER have empathy which prevents us from causing deliberate harm to others. 

The first of the 3 examples I want to draw upon is O.J. Simpson. As a famous American Football player and later as an actor in several well-known films, you would expect this type of fame would feed his ego sufficiently. However, he went on to commit the heinous crimes that he is now known to have been responsible for. 

He was famously acquitted of the murders of Nicole Brown-Simpson (his ex-wife) and her friend Ron Goldman in 1994. Both were stabbed to death outside of Nicole’s home. O.J. emotionally, verbally and physically abused Nicole, both during and after their marriage ended.

In 1997, in a civil lawsuit, he was found liable for both deaths. However, due to his earlier acquittal, he never served any jail time for these murders. 

O.J. was eventually imprisoned for 9 years on 12 counts of armed robbery and kidnapping at gunpoint in 2008. 

He died at the age of 76 of cancer at his home in Las Vegas in April 2024. Nicole was just 35 years old when he stabbed her to death and never got the opportunity to see her 2 children (who O.J. was given custody of when he murdered her)  grow up. 

The second infamous example of just how dangerous these individuals can be is when Oscar Pistorius, the South-African Paralympian athlete (who was then seen as a National Hero) shot and killed his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp (a South African model) in the bathroom of his home on Valentine’s Day in 2013. 

In his first trial, Oscar was found culpable of homicide and received a sentence of 5 years to be served at home due to his disabilities. 

However, in December 2015, the Supreme Court of South Africa found Oscar guilty of murder and he received a sentence of 6 years, which was later increased to 13 years and 5 months.

Reeva was just 29 years old when she was shot to death by Oscar Pistorius. He is still alive and well, whilst young Reeva is lost to her family forever. 

The third example of such a case is a documentary mini-series dramatized by Channel 4 in the UK and Ireland called ‘The Fall: Skydive Murder Plot’ and headlined as:- 

THIS IS A TRUE STORY ABOUT A WOMAN WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE. 

This is the true story of Emile Cilliers and his wife Victoria. Victoria was a very experienced professional skydiver, who knew all the correct equipment and safety checks required prior to taking any jump. 

Emile had previously been a soldier who served in the 29 Commando Regiment in the UK. 

In 2015, Victoria made her first jump since having a baby a month earlier. On this occasion, her backpack and parachute failed to open and she plummeted 4000 feet to land in a field, at first presumed dead. When she was found to still be alive, she was rushed to hospital with life-changing injuries and it took her three years to recover from all of these. 

Her husband, Emile Cilliers was proven to have tampered with her backpack and parachute deliberately, so that he could move on and collect her life insurance money and to be with his new girlfriend. 

He had also previously, just a week prior to this incident caused a gas leak at their home. So, the Sky Dive was the second attempt he had made on her life within one week. 

After a long, protracted case, he was found guilty of 2 counts of attempted murder and was given a life sentence (to serve a minimum of 18 years in prison). 

Victoria, who was 35 years old at the time, said that all she could think of while she was falling, was how her two small children would be left without their mother. 

I have not attempted to comment on or embellish any of these cases. They are shocking enough as they stand. I simply wanted to highlight just how dangerous these individuals are and what the ultimate price to pay for remaining with them could be for you. NEVER expect them to change or become better people. They cannot and will not do this. To them, in their sick and depraved minds, their actions are totally warranted and they feel no remorse or concern for their intended victims. Their only regret is to be caught out in their lies and being made to pay for their crime/s by the law.

I hardly think a few years of imprisonment bears any comparison to taking or attempting to take the life of their partner, simply to satisfy their need for revenge or their thinly veiled hatred in order to make their lives easier. They do not have the capacity to think beyond this and always presume they will be successful in achieving their goal. They do not consider taking a beautiful young life or the mother of their children to be of any significance.

In my case, I was simply lucky that when my ex (narc), who is a secondary school teacher, removed his facemask and kissed me on the lips while I was in a coma at the height of the COVID pandemic, I did not contract the virus. I would simply have been one of those deaths that go undetected and unnoticed. He would then have automatically been given the house we jointly own due to my death which would have allowed him to continue on his way unchallenged. He would have felt no remorse or compassion for my 2 daughters having been left without their mother. 

Please, please NEVER underestimate the lengths your narcissistic partner/ ex-partner will go to in order to rid themselves of you once they have secured their new ‘supply’/’supplies’. You MUST put your life first. If you have children, this is even more important, so they can grow up with a parent who genuinely and deeply loves and cares for them. 

Do not allow yourself to become a statistic. Choose to be a survivor! Put your safety first and ensure that the police are aware of how much danger you may be in. You may need a restraining order, but do whatever is necessary to escape this living hell BEFORE you are made to pay the ultimate price. 

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‘The Devil’ and ‘My Saviour’

Following on from my post on Wednesday about our intuition and how it will help you to know when someone is a Narcissist.

This is one of those times when I have had to revisit the most traumatic events in my life and how I knew (even when I was teetering on the brink of life and death) that my ex-partner was a true example of a Narcissist.

If you read my previous blog posts, you will know that I had a near-fatal 50ft fall in May 2022, which left me with life-threatening and life-changing injuries. 

On that night, my eldest daughter who was 34 followed the ambulance in a Garda car to the emergency room of the hospital where a whole team immediately started working on me to try and save my life. She didn’t know who else to call, so she rang my partner in a state of shock. 

He immediately started shouting at her, asking her how she could let this happen. He then proceeded to turn up very quickly at the hospital emergency room and began trying to kick the doors in. He was screaming and shouting obscenities. 

By this time, my daughter was inside while a whole team of doctors, nurses and surgeons were desperately trying to save me. She later told me that she could hear the commotion outside and knew it was him. She went out to him and told him to calm down and that they were working on me to save me at that very moment. 

She then went to the staff on duty and said that if he continued to act in this manner, they should call the Guards (Irish Police) and have him forcibly removed if necessary. 

She came out about 10 minutes later and he was standing against the wall with his arms crossed saying nothing. 

After this, she was asked to come to me and say goodbye as I had a major internal bleed which they couldn’t find. This was when they were forced to get the ‘rib-spreaders’ out in surgery. After about an hour, they came back out to her and told her that they had found it. She was incredibly relieved as, at this point, she had thought that I was going to die that night. 

I had fallen and landed on my feet, breaking both legs, smashing my pelvis and separating it from my spine. However, I think my dear mum was watching over me that night because my spinal cord remained intact and I had not landed on my head, which would have been the end for me. 

After the hospital had put metal rods down both my femurs and sewn me up from all the wounds I had, they sent me to the Mater Hospital in Dublin where I was in a coma for three weeks. They reattached my pelvis to my spine with metal and had kept a close eye on my brain because I had banged my head as I fell and suffered a stroke. 

I was on a ventilator throughout this time as I was unable to even breathe for myself. 

My youngest daughter immediately came back from Manchester where she works and was there by my side. 

During this time my Narcissist partner came to see me twice. I was in ICU and he removed his face mask (COVID was still a threat at this time) and kissed me on the lips. As I was extremely vulnerable and still close to death at this point, my eldest daughter told him he should not have done that because of the threat it could be to my life. An argument immediately followed where he insisted he wasn’t in the wrong and was entitled to do as he wanted, as per usual. This was all going on while I was helpless and unable to defend myself. 

Looking back now, I can see that my now ex-partner would have relished the opportunity of ‘playing’ the grieving partner. This changed however, when I began breathing for myself again and gradually, slowly began to improve. 

My eldest daughter was by my side every single day, playing music to me, reading me books and massaging my arms and legs. She believed that these things can help someone in a coma to come back from their unconscious state. Well, it worked! 

You may have noticed that on the night of my accident and afterwards my then partner never once asked about me or offered my daughter a kind or comforting word. After all, this was about him and his feelings, no one else. 

It took a long time, but very gradually I slowly came around to myself and once I started to improve, he showed little or no interest in coming to see me. My daughter had to ‘beg’ him on many occasions to come in and see me because I was asking for him. 

When he did come, even though I was still deathly ill, he would physically ‘bristle’ when I held my arms out for a hug. I could ‘feel’ that he didn’t want to be anywhere near me and he never once said anything to reassure me or show that he cared. This is, as I said in my last post, because the Narcissist ‘hates’ being around sick people or those who are in pain, either physically or mentally. 

My Narcissist was only interested in me when he thought I was going to die so that he could ‘feign’ concern as the grieving partner. 

He visited me a handful of times for the 6 long months I then spent in hospital improving. 

Eventually, I gave up hoping that he cared and my darling daughter was by my side every moment. She saw me through so many operations, sepsis and pneumonia and this must have been massively traumatizing to her. She never knew if I would be brain-damaged or severely mentally or physically disabled after my fall, but because she has great compassion and empathy, she never left my side. It must have been so terrible for her, all of that ‘not knowing’. 

My ex-partner never once gave her a moment’s support. This was no longer just about him remember? Therefore, he wanted to distance himself from the whole thing, distance himself from having to ‘pretend’ to care or show ‘fake’ concern for me or my daughter. 

This is true Narcissistic, selfish behaviour which is at its height when they are most needed. 

After a few months, I stopped hoping to see him, but lived for the moments when my daughter was there, right by my side because she really DID care and showed great compassion every single day. She constantly tried to reassure me and revealed such a depth of love that I never thought possible. 

The final visit my ex-partner made to see me was with a moment’s notice that he was in the garage down the road and he would pop in to see me. 

This is when he told me that he no longer found me attractive and didn’t love me. I had pneumonia at the time but never mentioned it to him because I had long since given up on receiving any compassion from him. 

My eldest daughter was there every step of the way and I know that if it wasn’t for her unwavering and absolute faith in me, that I would have had nothing left to live for. She was and always will be my ‘guiding light’ and has been there for me giving nothing but patience, love and genuine compassion until I can finally now stand strong, both physically and mentally. I am now utterly free of my Narcissist’s control and domination. 

I just wish that he had told me that he had already found his new ‘supply’ whilst I was in hospital instead of lying about it. That would have been too much to expect however, as it would have meant being ‘honest’ and ‘exposed’ – the two things which the Narcissist will avoid at all costs. 

I still live with my eldest daughter now and we are the best friends in the whole world to each other. Such a pity I spent all those long years with a ‘fake’.

Please don’t do this to yourself for someone who isn’t worthy of licking your boots. 

Who would ever have thought that the tiny bundle of joy I held in my arms when I was just 22 years old would turn out to be my Saviour! 

My ‘Song of the Week’ this Monday is dedicated especially to her. It is ‘Take Me Home’ by Jess Glynne because she has taken me home to myself again! I will be forever grateful to her for her incredible strength and courage when I was so utterly lost and needed her so much! 

❤️ Thank you My Beautiful Child. You are truly a gift from God! ❤️

❤️🙏❤️

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Next post will be published on Wednesday 12th June!

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Emotions – Curse or Gift??

Someone asked me this week how I have coped with so many things hitting me one after the other. If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you’ll know one of my daughters nearly died from a rare illness in 2019, I left my ex after a long 15 torturous years in November 2020. Then I had my life-threatening and life-changing fall which almost killed me in May 2022.

Well, I’m not superhuman and I definitely don’t have anything particularly special going on inside me. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about it like that, but when I answered I said that when one blow continually hits you after another, you just get used to it in the end. 

The reality is that when each of these things happened, every one of them felt like the end of the world and I felt so very alone. It’s incredible how your brain immediately switches from each traumatic event to the next. This is when you are operating in survival mode however, and in the long term you do need to revisit these events in order to heal from them. 

Unfortunately, there is no ‘magic’ pill to allow you to simply bypass trauma. If there was, it would seem so simple to move on from the what you have experienced and never think about it again. This is not the case though. 

Here is where you differ vastly from the Narcissist, who can do just that. They can move on very quickly, seeking the ’rush’ that each new relationship or challenge brings instead of taking the time to learn from trauma, mistakes or the damage they have inflicted upon others so that in the future they will not repeat the same cycle over and over again. Instead, they prefer instant gratification which is not compatible with real, enduring love and hence their insatiable appetite will never be satisfied.

The rest of us feel real love, concern, compassion, empathy and heartache which, in life will inevitably happen at some point. I think the important ‘take away’ from all of this, is that we ‘DO;’ learn from experiences in life, even extreme trauma. This then enlightens us to better understand and empathise with others. As complex beings, we have been given a great gift in being able to share and support each other through all of our trials. The Narcissist can only ‘feign’ these qualities and emotions however. Their inner self is damaged, shallow and self-obsessed. This means that when they encounter trauma or the pain of others, they can only ‘pretend’ to care and generally prefer to distance themselves from it in case their ‘cover is blown’. When an individual is suffering, the last person they need anywhere near them is a Narcissist!

When we are in pain, be it physical, psychological, emotional, grief or fear, we are wide awake to those qualities in others and we can intuitively ‘sense’ when someone really and truly cares OR when someone is simply making a shallow attempt at ‘pretending’ to care or understand what we are going through. 

‘Words are cheap’ is a well-known phrase, but simply ‘being there’ and listening is sometimes all that is needed. It can mean the world to someone who is in so much pain and doesn’t know how to go on. 

There is a lot in my life that I have yet to share, but I never forget that no matter what I have been through, there is always someone who has been through much worse. 

You may decide that you would like to speak with a counsellor, a trusted friend, or simply write a journal of your feelings. But it is important to let those feelings come out in some form so that they’re not always trapped inside. It will eventually feel very liberating to let all your demons out and face them. 

Unfortunately, with pain (like many other things in life) we cannot go ‘around it’. We have to go ‘through it’. 

Demons can seem and feel like monsters when they are trapped inside, going round and around in your head, but once you turn and face them, you realise that they have no power over you. They are weak and pathetic. Such is the Narcissist. You deserve to continue on your journey, feeling both wiser and happier.  

Go ‘NO CONTACT’ with your Narcissist. I know it will feel so hard at first… but this is the only way to go in order to heal from all the damage they have done to you and you will finally be free to find yourself again. 

Time is really important. Time to allow healing to take place…. ❤️

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My Quiet Little Angel

Today’s post is about my youngest daughter who is 27 years old.

As I spoke about in my blog post “When You Really Need Somone To Be There For You”, she was so close to death a few years ago that it was terrifying. I have always loved her and tried to protect her from anything or anyone who would do her harm. I love her with all my heart, but I let her down very badly in my previous 15-year relationship with my narcissistic ex-partner.

I tried so hard to be a strong role model and always to be there for her, but when I became clinically depressed through my ex’s treatment, I simply operated on ‘auto-pilot’ and I was not the mother I should have been to her. Oh, I was there, but I was heavily medicated and couldn’t be the strong emotional support that I should have been. 

My journal extract today reveals this, and I can hardly bare to think of the pain she was caused by my poor mental health. I have apologised for this so many times and will continue to do this until the day I die if she needs me to. 

Having been sexually, physically and emotionally abused as a child, it always horrifies me when people say that children are very resilient. Little ones are simply trying to negotiate and learn about the world around them and any damage that occurs when they are young leaves lasting scars. I know this better than most and yet I let my baby down so badly.

Saturday 6th November 2010

Recently very down. Nightmares about my past are becoming more frequent. They wake me early and I can’t sleep afterwards. Recollections of abuse have become more vivid – like pictures in my head that I can’t get rid of. 

My partner’s resentment of my child leaves me extremely stressed and guilty. My worst fear (apart from death) is that I would ever be the reason for my daughter feeling as bad about herself as I do….. She is only 13 years old and very confused. She feels my partner came along and destroyed her family and I let him do it. She has done her best to accept things but still struggles. We are the adults. I feel that he should be more understanding of her. He is always domineering and authoritative towards her. However, early on in our relationship, he was quite sweet towards her. This soon changed when he no longer felt he could charm her or that he even needed to. It’s as if he sees her as the enemy – ‘my child!’

He dotes on other people’s children and pretends that he loves them. Everyone thinks he is ‘soooo’ charming. But behind closed doors, he becomes like a ‘man-child’ who is jealous of my real child getting any attention. 

During the week, life is miserable. I spend my time trying to please, trying to keep the peace. I don’t want my child to have to stand up to a very strong, controlling and dominant adult male.

I protect her by doing everything around her so he doesn’t get annoyed and shout at her. I also do what he wants i.e. food, washing, tea, feeding pets, cleaning etc. so he feels looked after. However, he can’t control himself and always ends up telling her off or shouting at her for something. My daughter is actually a very quiet and shy girl who needs her confidence building. She is in this situation through no fault of her own. 

I am expected to treat his parents and children with total respect and look after them when they visit. His children are all adults now. However, my daughter is only 13 and has been in this situation since she was 8 years old. He clearly resents dealing with her every day. He doesn’t think that because of this, every day for me is a nightmare. Every bit of my being as a mother wants to protect my child. I may feel nothing for myself, but my children are my first real love and they always will be. Being a mother has been the one thing in my life that I know is so very, very important and I feel that he is taking this away from me. I don’t have family, friends or anyone close anymore who would understand this. I am used to dealing with things on my own since my own mum died. It is very hard and very lonely.

Obviously, my child was being emotionally and verbally abused, as well as being bullied by my ex-partner on ‘my watch’ as her mother, and for that, I will never forgive myself. 

Even after all of this, she has excelled academically, getting a First Class Bachelor of Science Honours degree in Digital Animation and is now working as a graphic designer in Manchester.

 I am so very, very proud of her! She has shone brightly and has a beautiful soul. For that, I will always be grateful. I pray that some of the bad memories from her childhood will not affect her later in life. She is and always will be my ‘quiet little angel’. 

When I am gone, I will be watching down on both of my girls and sending love and protection if I possibly can. I will be waiting up there for them both. To quote ‘Anson Seabra’ in his song ‘Welcome to Wonderland’ : 

 “Welcome to Wonderland, I’ll be your guide. Holding your hand under sapphire skies. Let’s go exploring or we could just go for a walk”.

This youngest child of mine has never once said that she feels any resentment towards me because she has such a gentle heart. She deserves a wonderful future and I pray that she will be happy and loved through all her days. 

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Next post will be published on Saturday 20th April!

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