Following on from my post on Wednesday about our intuition and how it will help you to know when someone is a Narcissist.
This is one of those times when I have had to revisit the most traumatic events in my life and how I knew (even when I was teetering on the brink of life and death) that my ex-partner was a true example of a Narcissist.
If you read my previous blog posts, you will know that I had a near-fatal 50ft fall in May 2022, which left me with life-threatening and life-changing injuries.
On that night, my eldest daughter who was 34 followed the ambulance in a Garda car to the emergency room of the hospital where a whole team immediately started working on me to try and save my life. She didn’t know who else to call, so she rang my partner in a state of shock.
He immediately started shouting at her, asking her how she could let this happen. He then proceeded to turn up very quickly at the hospital emergency room and began trying to kick the doors in. He was screaming and shouting obscenities.
By this time, my daughter was inside while a whole team of doctors, nurses and surgeons were desperately trying to save me. She later told me that she could hear the commotion outside and knew it was him. She went out to him and told him to calm down and that they were working on me to save me at that very moment.
She then went to the staff on duty and said that if he continued to act in this manner, they should call the Guards (Irish Police) and have him forcibly removed if necessary.
She came out about 10 minutes later and he was standing against the wall with his arms crossed saying nothing.
After this, she was asked to come to me and say goodbye as I had a major internal bleed which they couldn’t find. This was when they were forced to get the ‘rib-spreaders’ out in surgery. After about an hour, they came back out to her and told her that they had found it. She was incredibly relieved as, at this point, she had thought that I was going to die that night.
I had fallen and landed on my feet, breaking both legs, smashing my pelvis and separating it from my spine. However, I think my dear mum was watching over me that night because my spinal cord remained intact and I had not landed on my head, which would have been the end for me.
After the hospital had put metal rods down both my femurs and sewn me up from all the wounds I had, they sent me to the Mater Hospital in Dublin where I was in a coma for three weeks. They reattached my pelvis to my spine with metal and had kept a close eye on my brain because I had banged my head as I fell and suffered a stroke.
I was on a ventilator throughout this time as I was unable to even breathe for myself.
My youngest daughter immediately came back from Manchester where she works and was there by my side.
During this time my Narcissist partner came to see me twice. I was in ICU and he removed his face mask (COVID was still a threat at this time) and kissed me on the lips. As I was extremely vulnerable and still close to death at this point, my eldest daughter told him he should not have done that because of the threat it could be to my life. An argument immediately followed where he insisted he wasn’t in the wrong and was entitled to do as he wanted, as per usual. This was all going on while I was helpless and unable to defend myself.
Looking back now, I can see that my now ex-partner would have relished the opportunity of ‘playing’ the grieving partner. This changed however, when I began breathing for myself again and gradually, slowly began to improve.
My eldest daughter was by my side every single day, playing music to me, reading me books and massaging my arms and legs. She believed that these things can help someone in a coma to come back from their unconscious state. Well, it worked!
You may have noticed that on the night of my accident and afterwards my then partner never once asked about me or offered my daughter a kind or comforting word. After all, this was about him and his feelings, no one else.
It took a long time, but very gradually I slowly came around to myself and once I started to improve, he showed little or no interest in coming to see me. My daughter had to ‘beg’ him on many occasions to come in and see me because I was asking for him.
When he did come, even though I was still deathly ill, he would physically ‘bristle’ when I held my arms out for a hug. I could ‘feel’ that he didn’t want to be anywhere near me and he never once said anything to reassure me or show that he cared. This is, as I said in my last post, because the Narcissist ‘hates’ being around sick people or those who are in pain, either physically or mentally.
My Narcissist was only interested in me when he thought I was going to die so that he could ‘feign’ concern as the grieving partner.
He visited me a handful of times for the 6 long months I then spent in hospital improving.
Eventually, I gave up hoping that he cared and my darling daughter was by my side every moment. She saw me through so many operations, sepsis and pneumonia and this must have been massively traumatizing to her. She never knew if I would be brain-damaged or severely mentally or physically disabled after my fall, but because she has great compassion and empathy, she never left my side. It must have been so terrible for her, all of that ‘not knowing’.
My ex-partner never once gave her a moment’s support. This was no longer just about him remember? Therefore, he wanted to distance himself from the whole thing, distance himself from having to ‘pretend’ to care or show ‘fake’ concern for me or my daughter.
This is true Narcissistic, selfish behaviour which is at its height when they are most needed.
After a few months, I stopped hoping to see him, but lived for the moments when my daughter was there, right by my side because she really DID care and showed great compassion every single day. She constantly tried to reassure me and revealed such a depth of love that I never thought possible.
The final visit my ex-partner made to see me was with a moment’s notice that he was in the garage down the road and he would pop in to see me.
This is when he told me that he no longer found me attractive and didn’t love me. I had pneumonia at the time but never mentioned it to him because I had long since given up on receiving any compassion from him.
My eldest daughter was there every step of the way and I know that if it wasn’t for her unwavering and absolute faith in me, that I would have had nothing left to live for. She was and always will be my ‘guiding light’ and has been there for me giving nothing but patience, love and genuine compassion until I can finally now stand strong, both physically and mentally. I am now utterly free of my Narcissist’s control and domination.
I just wish that he had told me that he had already found his new ‘supply’ whilst I was in hospital instead of lying about it. That would have been too much to expect however, as it would have meant being ‘honest’ and ‘exposed’ – the two things which the Narcissist will avoid at all costs.
I still live with my eldest daughter now and we are the best friends in the whole world to each other. Such a pity I spent all those long years with a ‘fake’.
Please don’t do this to yourself for someone who isn’t worthy of licking your boots.
Who would ever have thought that the tiny bundle of joy I held in my arms when I was just 22 years old would turn out to be my Saviour!
My ‘Song of the Week’ this Monday is dedicated especially to her. It is ‘Take Me Home’ by Jess Glynne because she has taken me home to myself again! I will be forever grateful to her for her incredible strength and courage when I was so utterly lost and needed her so much!
❤️ Thank you My Beautiful Child. You are truly a gift from God! ❤️
❤️🙏❤️
Next post will be published on Wednesday 12th June!